Hogwarts School of Child Endangerment and Gross Negligence
by megamatt09
Summary: The point where Harry Potter should have taken it as a sign that Hogwarts may be hazardous to your health. One Shot.


_This was going to be a Deadpool PSA, but I feel this deserves a visual aid, with all due respect to Mr. Wilson. Let's head to Hogwarts School of Child Endangerment and Gross Negligence._

* * *

"And a warning to anyone that the third floor corridor to the right is forbidden to those who do not wish to feel a most painful death."

Harry's jaw nearly hit the table in response, with Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, and stereotypical old wizard saying what he said. That statement was said casually, almost as if he was talking about a bathroom that was out of order. Most of the students acted like there was nothing wrong, a couple of the Muggleborn raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, you've got to be…you've got to be shitting me!" Harry yelled and he rose up to his feet. "Seriously, we could be in danger of dying of something that's on the third floor and no one even bats an eyelash."

"Mr. Potter, is there a problem?" Dumbledore asked in a nonchalant voice and Harry turned to Dumbledore.

"Oh, no, unless you count the fact that you just told us that a corridor in the school is off limits because we could die, and it makes me wonder what you could have up there, hell I'm not the only person wondering," Harry said and his voice dropped to a whisper. "And I know in this school, everyone is going to be sneaking a peak at certain death and….."

"We told them not to do Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said.

"And if they disobey, you'll put them in detention, am I right?" Harry asked and Dumbledore looked at him.

"Yes, Mr. Potter….."

"Bit late if they're dead, isn't it?" Harry asked in a calm voice. "But, by all means, I'm sure everyone will not go up there, if the threat is detention. I mean that's more of a deterrent than Death, isn't that?"

"I don't see what the big deal is, Professor Dumbledore has told everyone that they shouldn't go up there and they should respect his authority," Percy Weasley said in a haughty voice. "Although I wish he would have informed the prefects…..not that I'm disrespecting his authority of course."

"Yes, because the almighty prefects would save us from something that could kill us," Harry said, bouncing up to his feet and he was staring him down.

"Mr. Potter, you're making a scene," Dumbledore said to him and Harry crossed his arms, and looked at him.

"What if, let's say, that thing that could us escapes," Harry suggested and Dumbledore frowned.

"There is a lock on the door," Dumbledore said casually.

"Oh, really, there's a…..well everyone there's a lock on the door, I guess we better trot off to bed and sleep soundly tonight," Harry said, shaking his head. The fact that he at the age of eleven had more sense than adults five or six times his age was quite sad.

"Glad, you see the sense, but your concern will be noted, Mr. Potter, now if you excuse me, we need to sing the school song before bed….."

"No, I don't see the sense in this, in fact, I wonder how any parent could send their child here, because of the gross danger they would be, did you even write to the parents and tell them that this thing that could kill their children, many of them under the age of consent?" Harry asked and Dumbledore blinked.

"We do not want to wish to alarm the parents…"

"So, are you going to inform them that their children are dead before or after the body's in the ground?" Harry asked. "Or are you going to cross your fingers and hope that they don't ntocie something missing after the school year is over."

"Mr. Potter, I can assure you we take the utmost concern for the safety of our students," Dumbledore said and Harry pinched the bridge of his nose.

Must….resist….urge….to….face palm.

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Dumbledore said.

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Yes, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore replied.

"REALLY?" Harry asked and Dumbledore nodded. "I mean, Hogwarts is the foremost magic school of magic and witchcraft and wizardry bullshit, isn't it?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter, although your language leaves something to be decided."

"I got the impression that it was the only magic school," Harry said.

"There are other magic schools, Mr. Potter, but they are not accredited by the Ministry of Magic," Dumbledore commented. "And there are other magic schools that are outside of the country, but the Ministry has mandated that citizens of the Magical Britain area can only get a chance to attend those schools if they personally write to them."

"Which Muggleborns and Muggle raised…..would not know, unless they inhaled half of Flourish and Blotts," Harry said, folding his arms. "And I suppose that since we agreed to go into Hogwarts, we're not into some kind of magical contract that we can't break or something like that…..so pretty much any parents of the mundane raised are boned, because they can't move with their children locked into a contract with this madhouse."

"Once again, Mr. Potter, your choice of language leaves something to be desire," Dumbledore commented to him.

"But we're getting off the subject, you put something that you admit that it could kill us if we come across it," Harry said and he raised his eyebrow. "And you have a forest that is Forbidden…near a school, with no magical enchantments on the barrier to prevent people from entering the Forest…"

Dumbledore didn't look at him.

"Mr. Potter, perhaps you should go up to bed, you've had a long day," Dumbledore said and there were a few people whispering to each other, Harry Potter had made waves during his first day.

He was opinionated just like his mother.

"And you don't even check on the Muggleborn and muggle-raised students to make sure they're okay, given that an address of a Cupboard Underneath the Stairs is acceptable," Harry said and there was some gasps and there were people squirming, wanting to write home to their families about this.

"Just like his father, causing a scene," the greasy haired professor muttered.

"Look, I don't even know you, so I don't know what the fuck you have against me," Harry said and he got up to his feet. "You can have your deathtrap of the school, with your psycho forests and corridors that can kill you, and for all I know, there could be a murderer disguised as someone's pet, that's how good the security of this school is."

"Mr. Potter, don't be preposterous," Dumbledore said. The thought that an unregistered animagus can be here underneath his nose was quite frankly silly.

"I'm heading up to the library, I'm going to see what my options are….does anyone know where the library is?"

"Third floor!" someone piped up in an excited voice that someone else was willingly using the library, no guesses needed as to whom.

"Wonderful, right by the death room, maybe I'll pop in with whatever is up there, and have a spot of tea," Harry said in a faux jovial voice, getting up to his feet.

"Mr. Potter I…"

"Put me in detention and I won't arrive, and you expel me, and I'll get what I wanted, because I'm sure all of these schools will be lining up to have the famous Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, as part of their student body."

"Your parents would have wanted you to stay at Hogwarts, Harry," Dumbledore said.

"My parents would have liked me to live to see my twelfth birthday."

With that, Harry Potter was up the stairs, knowing that the ball was in his hands. He hoped that they expelled him, snapped his wand even, because he thought that he was a lot better doing magic without it.

**End.**


End file.
